Bold Bets For Your 9 Most Favorite College Football Teams
1. Oklahoma Sooners – Games Total Over 10 ½, Jalen Hurts to Win Heisman
The Sooners are the most liked team in the nation? Really? I suppose it means most football fans could care less about defense. Not even great defensive coordinator Alex Grinch can run up the chimney with the presents the Oklahoma defense keeps shelling to opponents each and every season.
Although Grinch might go back to the freaky home he’s got on top of the mountain overlooking Whoville, only the Sooners have a player named Jalen who can put the Hurts onto other teams. Oklahoma’s a lock to go undefeated. So, crush it by going over 10 ½. And pick up some additional bucks by backing Jalen to take the Heisman.
2. Oregon Ducks – Games Total Under 8 ½
Personally, I liked the Ducks more when Donald was their mascot instead of the weekly spandex fashion show, but…okay. In any case, this team is as overrated as CBD Oil, which is as overrated as patchouli. So, most definitely go under 8 ½ on the Nike Ducks’ total.
3. Texas Longhorns – Not to cover versus Oklahoma on Oct. 12
Talk to any Texas fan, and they will tell you how awesome it is to be in Austin, surrounded by fellow humans who prefer to live in nature and gigantic tech companies who run every facet of our lives. Longhorn fans will also tell you why T-E-X-A-S is the best college football program of all time.
Newsflash, Longhorn McFly’s, you’ve only won 5 championships, and you haven’t taken one since 1981. What’s the best bet on a Texas game? Oklahoma to win and cover against the Longhorns on Oct. 12. What else?
4. Washington State Cougars – Games Total Over 8
Thank goodness the Mountain Cats went 11-2 last season. Football fans can finally start to forget about new ESPN analyst Ryan Leaf. “What! What was that! What’s the best bet on Washington State!” I just threw a towel right now. “Over 8! Okay! Over 8!” Got anger issues…
5. Central Florida Knights –ATS versus Stanford on Sep. 14
Why’d you drop “Golden” from the name, UCF? You were golden for so long. Then, as soon as you got really good, you decided to stop being golden and just be the Knights. I’m not sure if you go undefeated again, but you should definitely cover the -3 against Stanford on Sep. 14.
6. Wisconsin Badgers – Games Total Under 8 ½
Wisconsin reminds me of the stock market. Everyone is talking about a recession. Some even want a recession so that Uncle Donny ends up back to living in his golden hotels instead of the White House.
Wisconsin should go through their own gridiron recession this season. The offensive line is rebuilding. The defense is a mess. The best bet is early, +9 ½ on South Florida in Week 1. Also, buy a put option on the Badgers to go under 8 ½.
7. Georgia Bulldogs – Not to get CFP bid at -165
Right now, thousands of UGA fans are high-fiving themselves because they’re one of the most popular teams and Alabama, LSU, and Florida aren’t. Dawg Fan, let me explain: you’re popular because your bulldog mascot is oh so cute! What the heck is a Crimson Tide? And, Gators aren’t cute. Tigers can be if they’re not mauling you.
So, that’s why you’re popular. In regards to this season, you won’t be able to quote DeNiro in Cape Fear and say to Alabama, “I’m better than you! I’m smarter than you!” That’s because you won’t make the CFP at overlay odds of -165. But, you will always be able to say, “I’m more popular than you!”
8. Northwestern Wildcats – ATS versus Ohio State on Oct. 18
We all need to work together and come up with a nickname for the Northwestern Wildcats. Maybe, NTW-Dub or something like that. Nobody likes the Wildcats to cover football games this year. But, you know who they should like less to cover? The Ohio State University. Really, dudes, you want to copyright The? The government should allow the Buckeyes to do it so we can start to refer to them as The. In any case, Northwestern will cover the spread against The on Oct. 18.
9. Texas A&M Aggies – Moneyline versus Georgia on Nov. 23
Jimbo’s team could be in a fat world of hurt if things don’t work out. The guess here is that things do work out this season. A&M is strong. The Aggies are finally living up to their farming moniker. They should sprout wins all season long. The best? How about upsetting the Dawgs in Georgia on Nov. 23? Backing A&M on the moneyline could lead to a small fortune, which means you too, could start a soybean farm and argue about Trump’s tariffs on China.